Womens Hoopster

My son "A" is four years old. Here's our exchange this morning as I was watching SportsCenter, which was (endlessly) recapping the NCAA Div. I Women's Basketball Championship. A Maryland player was on the dais taking questions.

A: Dad, is that a boy or a girl?
D: That's a girl.

A: Dad, is she a hockey player?
D: I can see why you're asking that, but no, she's just a basketball player.

Thank God that ESPN's incessant coverage is over...but I will miss Stacey Dales-Schuman. Good GOOD looking woman.

Sandman

This might be the most ridiculous argument ever. Yankee fans are up in arms that Billy Wagner entered his first game as a Met to 'Enter Sandman' - the same song Mariano Rivera has used for the Yankees since 1997.

Only one problem: Wagner has used the song wherever he has been since 1996.

Chris Russo is up in arms about this. He says (paraphrasing) that you can't use that song in New York. It's Mariano's song. Uh, no, Chris. It's Metallica's song. That's it. You can end the argument there.

But I won't. Is Wagner supposed to defer to Rivera just because they play in the same city? Because the Mets play the Yankees six times this year? That's how often the Mets play the Pirates, Reds, Giants, etc., so should the Mets be on the lookout for any song overlaps there?

This is the Yankees' superiority complex in action, and it's total bullshit.

And David Wright is still God.

My Hotel Rider

With all the uproar over ol' Buckshot Cheney's hotel rider, and the subsequent yawning over Kerry's related doc, I thought it's time I start to pull together my own rider since I've been on the road so much as of late.

1. Remove any and all soft pillows from the room. I need a hard pillow, dammit.
   
2. If you insist on charging me for internet access, at least make it easy to hook up to, and get a wireless signal of sufficient strength that I don't have to turn on the bathroom heat lamp, wrap myself up in the hair dryer cord, and stand on the door stop to get a signal.
   
3. Provide a bottle opener. I don't like using the door thingie.
   
4. It's the 21st century...go beyond the late 80s thrill of having just 15 channels.
   
5. Provide a simple, easy to read, easy to use alarm clock that I can set in 15 seconds tops.
   
6. Do not give me a washcloth. Do not give me a handtowel. Do give me at least two (per person) quality, thick, long, comfortable bath towels.
   
7. Ensure there is sufficient hot water to enable me to take at least a lukewarm shower.
   
8. Provide a shower curtain that isn't trying to cling to me.
   
9. Make sure the toilet can handle a big dump 'cause I gotta get my business done.
   
10. and for the love of God, turn the noise down on the heating/cooling unit.
    

That's it. That's the list. Not too much to ask now, or is it?

Family Guy

Quite possibly the funniest show ever on Television. Here's the quote from Sunday night, when Peter found out that the FCC was censoring television:

"What the hell...they let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV and she looks like a foot."

Catching Up

Some stuff that's been going on over the last week or so:

* Somebody stealing your wireless signal. Here's a clue...freaking encrypt it. Nobody steals mine. And it's not hard to do.

* Here's Bushbaker's next fetish. The flying car. Every bit as useful and pointless as the Segway.

* Congratulations, Detroit. You're well on your way to becoming a niche player. That's fine and all that, but this should shatter any and all illusions of being the world's automotive capital.

* Keep up to date with the work done by the great Jack Bauer. Unfortunately, this doesn't include special moments like when he shot Henderson's wife in the thigh.

* Have I ever mentioned that I'm a Paula Creamer fan? Good grief!! Mark my words, with talent like Creamer, Gulbis, Kerr, etc. (and not like Christina Kim), big things are in store for the LPGA.

* Sports Illustrated's Alan Shipnuck gives his first set of golf power rankings for the year. I hope he keeps the format up...this is good stuff.

Gas Prices

Sure, they're higher than we would like them to be. But this is not about that. This is about the hilarious news stories that hit the media each week, telling us what gas prices were the prior week. No shit, Sherlocks...we buy freaking gas each week. We see the trends. One week it's up...the next week it's up. Sometimes it doesn't change. Occasionally it even goes down. But don't come and tell me seven days later what it was...try to work on figuring out what the trends will be.

Keibler Robbed

Stacy Keibler just got eliminated from 'Dancing With The Stars.' The sound you just heard is America turning off their TV sets.

Who would you rather watch dance? Stacy, Jerry freaking Rice, or Nick Lachey's wannabe brother. Apparently Idiot America doesn't want to watch the gorgeous leggy blonde. I'm embarassed for my country.

Short Track

The 5000m relay is on and this is incredible comedy. Five skaters from five teams in the race. They go like a lap or two and one of their constantly circling teammates shoves them along. You skate a couple of laps, join the Rockefeller Center schmaltz in the middle, then jump in again. Most bizarre. Exciting, but so is watching a squirrel try to cross a street, and that's not in the Olympics. At least not until the US becomes a credible medal threat.

This is not sport, this is slightly organized chaos.

Living in Vegas

I must say, I am sooooooooo freaking tired of getting phone calls from anyone and everyone wanting me to place a bet for them on the "lock of the century". ENOUGH ALREADY.......

Get you own bookie to place your bets. I moved to Vegas for work - not to be all my friends' slappie who places bets for them at one of 937498279238802384023840820 locations to bet here in Vegas.

Also, I was always a skeptic about the "you can get anything you want in Vegas" thing. Not anymore. I have seen it, heard about, told where to go, asked if I wanted to go, etc to just about everything you can imagine. Very dangerous place to live if you are married raising kids - we are adopting this year.

This place is great! The weather is to DIE FOR. There is always something going on. The people are as fake and plastic as you would find anywhere (everyone knows someone who can get anything and do anything and they can "hook you up") which is forever entertaining and NEVER, and I mean NEVER, gets old and tired. And I am doing great work.

I will always be a Detroiter though and will long to go home. Not the place, but the people. I love my friends, family and people of that place.

PLAN - make enough money here so I can spend lots of time back home and have two homes that I can commute......that will work.....

Mouse, Bug or Horse - Defined!!!

It is a simple thing...every woman in the world falls into one of these three categories. No bout adout it....

Mouse, bug or horse. For instance, Rebecca Lobo - a horse. I know this is an extreme case, but it helps make the point. Halli Berry...she is definately a mouse. Once again, an easy one, but it proves the point. Calissa Flockhardt (or whatever her name is - Ally McBeal), most certainly a bug.

So, this chick who does this whole curling thing, which BTW I have actually done with a group of friends and it is absolutely AWESOME to play, she is certainly a mouse.

You have met Gail, Detroit Sports Gal (I stole this of course). She is definately a mouse. Your better half, bording on bug, but more of a mouse - kindof a hyrbrid if you will.