My Hotel Rider

With all the uproar over ol' Buckshot Cheney's hotel rider, and the subsequent yawning over Kerry's related doc, I thought it's time I start to pull together my own rider since I've been on the road so much as of late.

1. Remove any and all soft pillows from the room. I need a hard pillow, dammit.
   
2. If you insist on charging me for internet access, at least make it easy to hook up to, and get a wireless signal of sufficient strength that I don't have to turn on the bathroom heat lamp, wrap myself up in the hair dryer cord, and stand on the door stop to get a signal.
   
3. Provide a bottle opener. I don't like using the door thingie.
   
4. It's the 21st century...go beyond the late 80s thrill of having just 15 channels.
   
5. Provide a simple, easy to read, easy to use alarm clock that I can set in 15 seconds tops.
   
6. Do not give me a washcloth. Do not give me a handtowel. Do give me at least two (per person) quality, thick, long, comfortable bath towels.
   
7. Ensure there is sufficient hot water to enable me to take at least a lukewarm shower.
   
8. Provide a shower curtain that isn't trying to cling to me.
   
9. Make sure the toilet can handle a big dump 'cause I gotta get my business done.
   
10. and for the love of God, turn the noise down on the heating/cooling unit.
    

That's it. That's the list. Not too much to ask now, or is it?

Family Guy

Quite possibly the funniest show ever on Television. Here's the quote from Sunday night, when Peter found out that the FCC was censoring television:

"What the hell...they let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV and she looks like a foot."

Catching Up

Some stuff that's been going on over the last week or so:

* Somebody stealing your wireless signal. Here's a clue...freaking encrypt it. Nobody steals mine. And it's not hard to do.

* Here's Bushbaker's next fetish. The flying car. Every bit as useful and pointless as the Segway.

* Congratulations, Detroit. You're well on your way to becoming a niche player. That's fine and all that, but this should shatter any and all illusions of being the world's automotive capital.

* Keep up to date with the work done by the great Jack Bauer. Unfortunately, this doesn't include special moments like when he shot Henderson's wife in the thigh.

* Have I ever mentioned that I'm a Paula Creamer fan? Good grief!! Mark my words, with talent like Creamer, Gulbis, Kerr, etc. (and not like Christina Kim), big things are in store for the LPGA.

* Sports Illustrated's Alan Shipnuck gives his first set of golf power rankings for the year. I hope he keeps the format up...this is good stuff.

Gas Prices

Sure, they're higher than we would like them to be. But this is not about that. This is about the hilarious news stories that hit the media each week, telling us what gas prices were the prior week. No shit, Sherlocks...we buy freaking gas each week. We see the trends. One week it's up...the next week it's up. Sometimes it doesn't change. Occasionally it even goes down. But don't come and tell me seven days later what it was...try to work on figuring out what the trends will be.